The Philistine army had gathered for war against Israel. The two armies faced each other, camped for battle on opposite sides of the Elah Valley.

The largest of the giants was their most famous warrior and his name was Goliath.

Goliath was nine feet tall and weighed well over five hundred pounds. This beast of a man came out each day mocking and cursing God. One day a frail Shepherd boy named David happened to be standing not too far away from where Goliath was cursing and mocking God and the armies of Israel. David looked to his father, Jesse and asked:

“Father, who is this uncircumcised dog of a man that he should defy and mock the armies of God?”


David then stepped forward and bravely approached Goliath…Goliath cursed at David and hurled threats of death and mocking God.

Here’s what happened:



“What is this?

Hey there, little boy have you come to bow down and kiss the feet of Goliath?

Have you lost your sight? Do you not fear the great Goliath, the greatest warrior among the giants of earth?

Can this really be the best your people can do in the way of a warrior?

HA! The very fart that rips from my backside rump weighs more than you!

Why you little runt of a rascal why do you not go back and find your little jar and try and find a few Cock Roaches from your families cupboard?


Or I shall squash you like an insect, be gone scrawny child!



“Goliath, I don’t know why your mother did not abort you when she had the chance, because you are one ugly mother!

I ask myself what are you going to do for a face when the Baboon wants his ass back?

Seriously big guy, tell me why your father didn’t pull out when he had the chance?

Man your head is BIG…where did you find that absurd looking hat?

Goliath if I ever found you floating in my pool I’d punish my dog.

Now, I’m famished so I’ll just finish eating my Apple here and if you are still  standing there when I finish eating this Apple,

I’m going to kick your ass!”



“WHY YOU!!! YOU, YOU Terrible talking twerp, I’ll break you in half!

Prepare to die!”


David took one last bite from his Apple and Goliath charged David, and David smiled and waved Goliath on.

Goliath pulled his sword from his sheath and raised it to strike David.

David reached into his pouch and pulled out a .38 revolver and shot Goliath in the head killing him instantly.

David turned to his father , Jesse and yelled aloud.

“He’s dead now!”

The end.


Charles Micheaux

New York, New York 


One thought on “DAVID & GOLIATH


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