“Nobody loves me but my mamma and she could be jiving too.”
B.B. King (Blues Legend)
OBNOXIOUS, when I think of this word I think of my ex-wife…
no, no, no, this is not to say my ex-wife was obnoxious; you see my ex-wife taught me how to use the word appropriately.
I recall one evening my wife and I had just returned home from a social function and just as I had unfastened my seat belt to get out of the car, my wife grabbed me by the arm and snorted:
“Charlie! Do you have to be so Obnoxious all the time?”
I looked to my wife and asked softly:
“What did I do now?”
My wife shook her head and snapped back:
“Why must you always carry around 200 business cards in your pocket? You are always bugging the HELL out of people telling them about your company. Nobody cares about your business when we go to a wedding. That man you were talking to this evening…
that man was 98 years old; I saw him when he put is teeth in his mouth, then you walked over to him and started your sales pitch.
The poor fellow was just trying to eat his ice cream and cake but YOU! You would not let the man eat in peace…you just kept on talking while the man’s ice cream melted away.
I so wish you would stop being so OBNOXIOUS!
Well Mister P.T. Barnum do you have anything to say for yourself?”
I looked up and whined:
“THANK YOU…FOR YOUR SUPPORT?”
Well folks, some years past and the wife and I decided to call it quits.
One morning I sat at the kitchen table with a number two pencil and a scrap of paper to write down all the items I would walk away with as a result of our split.
My wife walks into the kitchen with a brief case and she’s wearing a very expensive business suit. I have on jeans, a T-shirt and
My wife takes off her glasses and opens her brief case and she removes a calculator, a pencil sharper, a tape recorder, a tape ruler, a legal dictionary, a camera, a legal pad and several ball point pens.
I’m thinking: “Hey baby, you are in trouble now.”
My wife pulls out her laundry list of things she must have and I simply nod yes.
After 20 of my “Yes dears” my wife screams at me.
“CHARLIE! Is there anything you want?”
(I try hard to find my voice.)
“Well, umm, yeah, uhh, I want to keep my Mercedes…
and uhh, hmmm,
I want the Microwave too!”
My wife smiled at me and said:
“That sounds equitable to me, but hold on one minute, let me check something for a minute, I’ll be right back.”
My wife took a final tour of our home followed by our beautiful
Cocker Spaniel, named Shakespeare. My wife had a devilish grin on her face, I knew something was up. My wife cleared her throat and asked slyly:
“What about SHAKESPEARE?”
I looked at the well groomed Cocker Spaniel and I remembered the time he pooped on my pillow. Shakespeare seemed to have a smile on his face as I spoke.
“Well, Shakespeare LOVES you and frankly speaking he does not give a damn about me (This brought a smile to my wife’s face) so, it would be best if you took him with you, but do me a favor, leave me a can of dog food and a spoon, because I may get hungry.”
My wife looked at me and said:
“CHARLES MICHEAUX YOU ARE SO OBNOXIOUS!”
You can watch Oscar Micheaux films @ YouTube.