Maybelle! Ain’t You Got No Cone Bread?

“Only the guy who isn’t rowing has time to rock the boat.” –Jean-Paul Sartre

Life sometimes is stranger than fiction, sometimes we find ourselves in the most absurd situations and if you wrote a story about your experience many folks would just think you made up the darn story.
I sincerely hope the readers of this true story know, this one is not made up fiction, but rather
a very amusing experience that still brings a smile to my face.

I recall many years ago having to give a speech in Savannah, Georgia, a speech I really did not want to give and tried hard to get out of. I was the VP of my company and the CEO made it clear to me that I would be the one giving the speech at the conference.

I must concede I had never been to the very beautiful city of Savannah before and so I did not have an appreciation for the amazingly lovely city. So once I landed, I found myself in the back seat of a
elegant black sedan; my driver a very informational chap told me of all the places I must go while in the city. Soon he was telling of a new eatery called MAYBELLE’s.

My driver asked me If I liked fried fish, I told him I did.
The next day he takes me to the eatery and as we walked we were met with the most wonderful aroma of fried fish one could experience. There was quite a line in front of us and and even longer line in back of us that went out the door.

Maybelle the owner is a rather large black woman with a easy smile; all the cash she was bringing in it was easy to see why. In front of me stood a white gentleman who stood about 6′ 4” and weighed north of 240 pounds. The man quickly turned around and looked me up and down. I had on a suit and tie and my driver stood just behind me. I wondered what this man thought as he looked me up and down.
I also noticed he had a name patch sewn into his shirt and the name read Bubba.

Finally, this man named Bubba was greeted by that big easy smile that never left Maybelle’s dark brown face.

Maybelle:
“Watcha’ havin day Bubba?”

Bubba:
“Let’s see now…hmmmmmmm… take some, collards, tate-toe- salad and some corn bread.”

Maybelle:
“Bubba, I done run out of corn bread…”

Bubba:
“How in the world you run out of corn bread!
I show got my mouth fixed for some corn bread toDAY!
Maybelle, do me a favor, just check the pan, maybe you got just one more piece in there.
I show got my mouth fixed…Suga, you just got to find old Bubba some corn bread.”

Maybelle:
“Bubba, I done told you suga,
I done run clear out , I ain’t got no moe corn bread…
I got some biscuits if you wants them.”

Bubba:
“I don’t won’t no darn biscuits, that’s what you eat for breakfast!
I wants me some corn bread.
Maybelle, I swear, I never thought I’d see the day when you of all people would drop the ball.
Maybelle, honey I mean you done really dropped the ball on Bubba toDAY

Maybelle, can you explain to me how it is humanly possible for you to run out of corn bread?”

Now by this time I have my hand over my mouth to keep from laughing out loud.
I held myself in check but inside I was screaming with laughter the exchange between these two was hilariously funny beyond expression, even now.

Maybelle:
Bubba Please!”

Bubba looked over at me and noticed me holding my stomach laughing.
He tilted his head sideways and asked me where I was from.
I told him I was from Washington, D.C.
Bubba turned back to Maybelle and was very artful as he began to employ me as his foil.

Bubba:
“See there Maybelle, this fella, right here done come all the way from WASHINGTON…D.C. and you ain’t got not one piece of corn bread.”

I dropped my head and my whole body shook with laughter.
Bubba was really putting it on Maybelle; now everyone in the eatery is enjoying the show being performed so masterfully by Bubba.

Bubba:
“Maybelle, tell me, how much does corn bread cost…can’t be that much…”

I must say I was really impressed with Bubba because he was drilling old Maybelle so hard here and making sure she got the message ( don’t you ever run out of corn bread) you understand me woman.
The fact that Bubba was making such a fuss over this corn bread got me to thinking:

“Damn, this must be some good corn bread.”

Now, I want some corn bread too.
And yeah, how does one run out of corn bread?
The cost of corn bread is like buying a box of tooth picks at the Dollar Store.

Finally Bubba looked at his watch and instructed Maybelle to make his order to go.
Bubba looked at me and winked.

When my plane landed back in Washington, my wife picked me up from the airport.
I put on my seat belt rubbed my hand over my stomach and with my best southern drawl
I could imitate, I went:

“EYE SHOW WON”T ME SOME CONE BREAD!”

My wife put the car in gear as I kept repeating the line.

My wife turned to me and said:

“Charles, sometimes, You are so obnoxious.”

I smiled and realized for the first time how Maybelle really felt about Bubba.

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