What is a Bitch…really ? — Satire

“All men by nature desire to know.” –Aristotle

As a boy hanging around my father I always wanted to know, what is a Bitch…really?
My mother was a Bitch hear my father tell it.
My aunt was a Bitch, all my school teachers in school were Bitches,
Scarlet O’Hara in “Gone With The Wind” she was a Bitch and last but most important
my ex-wife was a supreme Bitch.

I first heard the word Bitch uttered by my father as he ranted about my mother and I do believe the first time I took notice of the word Bitch, I was maybe two-years old.
I remember that day if it were yesterday, father and I were in the car being sent on an errand by my
mother, the Bitch.

Father sat there as if in a trance, he sucked in air, shook his head, then exhaled and said,
“That Bitch is driving me crazy!”
Then he turned the ignition and off we drove.
Several years past and my father called my mother Bitch so many times my head would spin and get this,
I’m still only four-years old. In the short time I was on earth Bitch was the word I could say adroitly at age four thanks to father, I hasten to add and mother of course, for she was the Bitch.

Is the word Bitch regulated only to women?
Hell no! The word Bitch applies to men, things, objects, and obstacles.
The dictionary has the word Bitch all wrong in it’s definition.

Bitch: Female dog, or lewd & immoral woman.
To me, the word Bitch means DIFFICULT.
That’s all a Bitch is, it’s a difficult thing period!
My mother for example was a difficult woman for me and my father; herein lies the Bitch.
My ex-wife, supreme Bitch, she was not just difficult, this Bitch was what I consider
extremely difficult. I swear, I must have called her a Bitch 20,000 times if not more.

Recently at a friend’s home and we were in his drive-way and he was trying to change a tire on his car and he was having a terrible time removing one of the lug-nuts on the wheel.
He twisted, and strained and grimaced as he tried to turn the lug-nut loose.
He stopped and wiped his brow and looked up to me and said,
“Wooooo, this is a Bitch!”
Yes friends, lug-nuts can be a Bitch too!

Men can be a Bitch, for example, I was in a fast-food hamburger place and the line was moving at a snail’s pace and the chap in front of me, he and I stood at the back of the line for at least five minutes, now when this fellow was finally at the register, this joker had not yet decided what he wanted to order. Now. This is a Bitch of a man, no really, this was one dumb son of a Bitch in front of me. When he finally made up his mind I murmured under my breathe:
“Look at this dumb Bitch!”
I’m sure at sometime some woman standing behind me at Walmart called me a dumb Bitch.
Bitch is not really a bad word.
Some of the most powerful and successful women in the world are almost always looked upon as Bitches.

When I was four-years old I had by that time had two-years proper education in pronunciation and the word I pronounced the best was Bitch, thanks to my father…and mother!

One day when mother and I were alone I asked my mother what is a Bitch.
My mother was quickly beating eggs and she just stopped, put her hands on her waist,frowned and
“Who told you that bad word?”

I smiled wide.
I said.

My mother leaned in close to me.
“Your father used that bad word in front of you?”

I kept up my smile.
“Yes mother, he says it all the time!”

My mother’s eyes squinted like Clint Eastwood does in those cowboy movies before he shoots someone.
My mother asked:
“When your father uses this very bad word, who is he talking about?”

I started to giggle…
I looked down at the floor, my mother warned sternly.

“I’m not gonna ask you again young man…WHO was your father calling a BITCH?”
I keep my eyes fixed to the floor wishing I could fall through it and escape her questioning.
My voice was inaudible as I gave up my father and in that moment even at four-years old I realized I just stepped into a ton of cow dung.

As I stood there I wanted to laugh too strangely because it was like a movie went off in my head showing re-runs of father calling mother a Bitch.

“That Bitch is crazy!”

“The Bitch will send me to my grave!””The Bitch is sending me to the poor-house!”

“What was that Bitch thinking?”

“Why did I ever marry that Bitch?”

“Of all the Bitches in the world, I married her ass!”

“The Bitch didn’t even put any gas in the car!”

I found myself stuck in memory-lane, I was just lost in a sea of my father’s Bitching.

Just then, my father walked in a gay mood.

said my father to my mother.

My mother frowned and told me to go outside and play.
That night father slept on the couch and the next day when father and I were alone in the car,
dad looked down at me and said,

“Charlie, you got a BIG mouth!”

Bitches make the world a better place for all of us; why if Bitches did not exist the cars we drive today would come in only one color, Black.
Did you know a few Bitches went to see Henry Ford in Detroit and demand he start making cars in other colors than just black. Henry Ford first refused their demand, but then these few Bitches warned
Henry Ford that they would stop having sex with their husbands and they would demand their husbands not buy any Ford products.

Bitches also are responsible for cell phones today; I understand a few Bitches decided that using a pay
phone was disgusting and unhealthy and so they demanded that the phone companies make cute little mobile phones that can be carried in a purse.

In the final debate with Hillary Clinton Donald Trump called her a “Nasty Woman” what he really wanted to say was…”BITCH, PLEASE!”

You can watch Oscar Micheaux films @ YouTube.

Charles Micheaux
Micheaux Publishing


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