“What is defeat?
Nothing but education, nothing but the first step to something better.”
When I lived in Europe I had many girl friends all of whom were not women of color nor were they white.
The notion of color never comes to the one’s mind in Europe.
European women do not see themselves in terms of a skin color; only American women do that.
I used to live in Rome, Italy and all the girls I dated each was a great joy to me, even today, each is still a memory of fondness that I hold dear.
European women see themselves as Italian, French, Greek, German or Spanish the skin color trip never comes to mind.
Sadly, whenever one of these European women moves to America they are quickly taught by white Americans about the race card.About a year after living in New York the new woman begins to see her self as white.
Racism enters into her psyche and she becomes totally corrupted and buys into the awful hubris of white privilege.
My life as an actor in America provided me with many white girl friends who all suffered from white privilege.
The worst experience I ever had was with a lawyer chick and what happened to me with her was the final straw for me in dating white women.
I was taking a new acting workshop and there was this white woman there and she kept her eyes on me all the time and she was always smiling. She sent me all the signs she wanted to meet me.
The thing that really advanced our relationship was when we were paired-up to do a romantic scene together by the workshop instructor who I hasten to add was a good friend of hers.
Let’s call my white lover, Laura.
So, Laura invites me over to her apartment over on the Upper East Side of Manhattan, her apartment is very chic and relaxed. She give me a big warm hug then she pours me a glass of white wine.
We talk, we drink, we smoke weed and the next thing I know we are French kissing.
One month later I have a new address, I move out of the YMCA and into her East 82nd street apartment.
I was happy.
Laura was great!
On Saturday’s we would spend the mornings at Barnes & Noble, then have lunch, catch a movie or play.
Laura was a high priced lawyer; highly intelligent and very ambitious.
She was taking acting lessons to become a better trail lawyer.
The only flaw with her was she couldn’t boil water!
We ate out all the time.
The only thing she could do well in the kitchen was make Coffee…that’s it.
When I took her to meet my mother, my mother quickly remarked how I had lost ten pounds.
I never met Laura’s parents, they did not want to meet me. Her parents were afraid of me because of my black skin.
At the time, Laura was being considered for a really big time position with a major law firm.
Laura’s parents warned her often that she would never get the position if the firm knew she was involved and lived with a black man. The constant warning from her mother and father carried weight because one day Laura sat me down and told me how much she wanted the position. She told me she loved me and in the next breathe she told me she wanted me to move out of the $2,000 a month luxury apartment.
Racism is a bitch!
I gave up my room at the YMCA and Laura changes gears on my ass.
I was pissed.
I packed all my gear and had to move in with an actor friend who’s apartment was really quite shitty and unclean.
I did not have a day job and I had no real money in the bank. I continued to audition for acting gigs.
I really needed something badly, my self esteem was quite low. I spent a good deal of time at the Holy Cross Church on West 43rd Street on my knees in prayer.
Not long after, I landed a contract in a new Off-Broadway play in which I was the star.
I knew I would see Laura again and on my terms.
I knew a black girl, she was a super-model, very high fashion and she liked me, I called her and invited her to be my date for opening night.
I knew Laura would come to the opening night performance and I was going to let her have it with both barrels.
I walked out the stage door with Alexis (super-model) on my arm and there in front of the crowd waiting outside the stage door was Laura, she was alone.
I looked into her pretty blue eyes and then and there I made up my mind that I would never, ever consider a white woman for romance of any serious nature.
I hasten to add, I could however marry a European woman should I ever move back to Europe.
I would never marry an American white woman.
The baggage of hubris coupled with white privilege is a great challenge to a black man’s psyche that cannot be weighed.
Not long after that I was asked to play Jack Johnson in THE GREAT WHITE HOPE, he had great difficulties with white women too.