FRENCH 101 ( Lesson 4) Final Lesson

“It is the supreme art of the teacher to awaken joy in creative expression and knowledge.”
–Albert Einstein

BABYLON, do you have the sign in sheet?
I gotta tell you girl friend, that text message you sent to me about Georgia was too funny.
Really, it broke me up.
You do have the sign in sheet; I thought I lost it for a minute there.
Can I have it?
Thank you, BABYLON.

Attention!!! Class. Attention!!! I need to do a roll call off the sign in sheet.
OK. Let’s see now…
Is Joy Sweetforest here?

Mary Bush?

Willie Wood?

Jim Pecker?

Safffire Horny?

Peter Long?

Lois Laid-Now?

Dick Hertz?

Carlos… Carlos… Cho-Cho? Is that right Mr. Cho- Cho?

(Aw shit!)

I hope I pronounce this next name right, let’s see if I can.

SUE- MEE- HOE…

Ms. Ho, did I pronounce your name right? I would feel really bad calling you a HOE.

BABYLON:
“Charles, Ms. Ho she owns the nail salon, you know the one, Madame Ho’s Nail Salon?”

(No shit!)

BABYLON:
“Ms. Ho, is really Mrs. Hung, I know the shit is complicated but, I only know because I am writing a story on them.
See, Charles Mr. Hung is married to Sue-Mee-Ho, but for marketing purposes she maintains the name Madame Ho’s nail salon. Now, her husband, Fo- Show- Hung, he owns the largest hair weave store in Atlanta, his store is next to his wife’s nail salon.
What they are able to do as a team working together is quite amazing… see, they have found a way to take out the maximum number of black dollars out of the black community.
I bet you did not know, Mr. Fo-Sho- Hung’s brother, he owns the liquor store next door to the Weave store and the Nail Salon, you know “Jigga’s Malt Liquor Store”, well Un-Peu-Hung he owns that,
it’s quit fascinating how much money three people working together can take out of the black community.”

Thank you, BABYLON this was much needed info you shared with us today.

Now, where was I?

Yes, Is Mr. Fo-Sho-Hung here?
Mr. Hung, if you are here please raise your hand?

Madame Ho:
” He not here today.
New shipment of weaves come in today from China!”

Thank you, Ms. Hoe, I mean, Mrs. Hung, Ms. Hoe, Ms. Hung… I’m all confused… Thank you mam.
BABYLON would you care to share with the rest of the class what you find so funny?

BABYLON, please contain yourself.

Now, we’ve got a lot of ground to cover today because this is our last and final workshop.
BABYLON, please contain yourself.
What is so damn funny?

Ms. Hoe, could you please stop counting that stack of $100.00 bills in my class.
BABYLON, I need you to move away from Ms. Hoe… yes, I want you, BABYLON to come sit at the front of the class.
Ms. Hoe, I’m asking you with respect, don’t be counting all them black nail dollars up in my class again.

Now, does everybody here know my instructor-partner, BABYLON?
Well, let me tell you about BABYLON.

BABYLON is one of the most talented young essayist I know.
She makes her home in the great city of Chicago. I follow BABYLON on TWITTER each day, her page is very entertaining, wickedly funny, informative and quite naughty in the most fun way.
Check her out and I promise she will put a smile on your face.
irunbabylon@twitter.com

My ambition today is to try to teach you some French phrases that will help you get laid.

CLASS! CLASS! Please! Please! Settle down.
This is not a joke.
I think it’s important that you know how to beg appropriately in French for a sexual adventure.
How you say something to a person is so important.

********************************************************************************
HOW TO GET LAID USING FRENCH WORDS & PHRASES

Je me sens tres vulnerable.
(zher mer sen tray vewl nay ra bler)
I feel very vulnerable.

C’est une foret protegee?
(set ewn fo ray pro tay zhay)
Is this forest protected?

Veux-tu sutir avec moi?
(ver tew sor teer a-vek mwa)
Do you want to go out with me?

Tu veux bien me ramener a’ la maison?
(tew ver byun mer ram-nay a la may zon)
Will you take me home?

Je peaux t’ embrasser?
(zher per tom bra say)
Can I kiss you?

On va se coucher!
(on va ser koo shay)
Let’s go to bed!

Embrasse-moi!
(om bras mwa)
Kiss me!

Je te veux.
(zhor ter ver)
I want you.

Je veux faire avec toi.
(zher ver faire la moor a vek twa)
I want to make love to you.

Oui, j’ aimerais bien.
(wee zhem ray byun)
Yes, I’d love to.

Tu dois venir.
(tew dwa ver neer)
You shoukd come.

Je me sens tres vulnerable.
(zher mer son tray vewl nay ra ble)
I feel very vulnerable.

J’ ai chaud!
(zhay sho)
I’m hot!

Vous avez chaud?
( voo zavay sho)
Are you hot?

Un peu.
( un poo)
A little.

Tu veux fumer?
(tew ver few may)
Do you want to have a smoke?

D’accord
(da kor)
OK.

On va utiiliser un preseratif.
(on va ew tee lee zay um pray zair va teef)
Let’s use a condom.

Vas -y mollo!
(va zee mo lo)
Easy tiger!

Bon appetit!
(bon a pay tee)
Enjoy your meal.

Je ne mange pas ca pour des raisons philosophiques.
(zher ner monzh pa sa poor day ray zon fee lo zo feek)
I can’t eat it for philosophical reasons.

Vous un pede!
You fag!

Tu es completement faux cul!
You are so ful of shit!

Arrette!
Stop!

Va te faire voir!
Go to hell!

T’es un moins que rien.
You are worthless.

*****************************
OK, now, the moral of this French story is if you try to seduce a French person, you better be prepared to go all the way. Did you know the French never dry kiss?
Well boys and girls we have come to the end of our lesson in basic French.

And remember, before you French kiss someone, brush your teeth.

Charles Micheaux
Micheaux Publishing
Atlanta*

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One thought on “FRENCH 101 ( Lesson 4) Final Lesson

  1. Pingback: FRENCH 101 ( Lesson 4) Final Lesson | MICHEAUX PUBLISHING

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